?

Log in

your fucking misery's my healing [entries|friends|calendar]
x

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[15 Nov 2004|04:41pm]
well im moving.
amity__


but they are only words,
useless artificial heavy words
that have no meaning.
7 !& readysetdie.

gotta survive in this life thats been given to me. [07 Nov 2004|09:52pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

i dont regret nothing that ive ever done.
at this point..
i dont owe nobody an explanationCollapse )



id rip my heart out of my chest
& make your room a crimson mess
id do it all with no regrets
if it would bring you back to me
& readysetdie.

i used to think that i was strong, until the day it all went wrong [06 Nov 2004|08:27am]
[ mood | worried ]

long night last night. andy & frank came over to babysit with me; ellie & kelly showed up. frank left at 9. me & andy talked for a while. then we drove her home. & shes going to call me today so i can find out what happened. but yeah, so much detail in between all of that; i just dont feel like typing it all today.
2 !& readysetdie.

[04 Nov 2004|05:25pm]
the funny thing is,
id still take a bullet for you.
after all the shit you put me through.
& all the times you yelled at me.
all the nights where i sat in my room,
but didnt move because i didnt wanna hurt you.
& if you care as much as you say you do,
then i misjudged you. & for that, im sorry.
ive worked hard at not throwing away 10 years
of sleepovers, long walks, & inside jokes.
but im a fuckup. so i dont know if i failed.

ithinki miss you.
1 !& readysetdie.

somebody rip my heart out & leave me here to bleed [01 Nov 2004|09:39pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

i have to say, jordan is the best person on the fucking planet. he makes everything so easy to talk about. unlike some people i know. but they dont realize it. so even if they are reading this, i bet they still dont know what im talking about. but thats their fault, isnt it?

last night was pretty fun. i went to kelly weber's to hand out candy with her. because i have no life & nothing better to do. & then came home, and my mom went into bitch-mode. like always. but whatever.

by the way, this journal entry is dedicated to maria. because, well, shes off the shizzle. okay?


..


you know what sucks? when your head wont agree with your heart & then you end up spilling your guts to someone about it, & now they know one of your deepest secrets.. like ever- that NOBODY KNOWS AT ALL & NOW HE DOES & NOW EVERYTHING IS SCREWED UP. uhm, sorry had to get that one out.






well i hate you.
goodbye.
2 !& readysetdie.

[31 Oct 2004|09:24pm]
omgg im so fucking scared!! im watching i know what you did last summer & yeah, ive seen it like a bajillion times before, but im soo scaredddd right now. but oh goodness, i discovered the purpose of stepdads: to watch scary movies with you so you dont pee your pants.

yeah, wow. uhmm im definetly scared right now. but lets talk about halloween, shall we?! uhmm well i went to my dear friend, kelly weber's house for the night. & we watched movies. & sat on the porch. & talked. & handed out candy. & i threw a milky way at kelly's head on accident. & i felt bad. but i love you kelly!

im gonna go scare the fucking shit outta myself right now. be back later. if i like- actually survive.
4 !& readysetdie.

you call yourself a friend, i call you wrong [29 Oct 2004|05:18pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Happy Halloween! almost.
school sucks. so do people.


but i was stupid & you broke me downCollapse )


im happy for you.
honest.
1 !& readysetdie.

im a champion so i turned tragedy to triumph [28 Oct 2004|10:14pm]
[ mood | in love ]

uhm yeah forget that last entry too. my day just completely turned around because of.. jordan (who else?).


syorange 321: i brightened your day
xSoOLastSummerR: yes you did :]
syorange 321: oh
syorange 321: i win

*you make me laugh jordan <3.


..& hes so damn cute too. my jesus- a guy like that should have a girlfriend. goodness. uhm thats all. i still have to do my dBq & my article.

& im leaving for kelly's house @ 7:30 tmrw. morning-
so im out <3 loveyou 10492626.


12.23.13.03.
& i love my hands around your neck.
& readysetdie.

[28 Oct 2004|09:27pm]
ignore 2 entries ago.
today was definetly the worst day
like ever. uhmm, look in the other
journal for details if you really care.
& readysetdie.

how much further do i have to go? [26 Oct 2004|07:51pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]

uhmm humiliating variety show practice today. i cant dance & all these 6th graders are like arguing the whole time. so i got fed up & sat there until they realized how stupid they were being. & then a bunch of highschoolers came to visit their teachers & they watched us dance, & yeah i was embaressed & i sucked.



i dont want my love
to go to waste <3
* xo
& readysetdie.

they love to watch me fall, they think they know it all [25 Oct 2004|05:50pm]
[ mood | sad ]

worst day of my life. but i must say, jordan never fails to brighten my day.


but i was stupid
& you broke me down.




im a nightmare, a disaster
thats what they always say
im a lost cause, not a hero
but ill make it on my own

me against the world --» simpleplan
& readysetdie.

i hate the way i feel inside [24 Oct 2004|09:58am]
[ mood | awake ]

public outcry







*HUGS* TOTAL!
give br0ken_tearsx0 more *HUGS*
& readysetdie.

without you i just cant find my away [22 Oct 2004|09:57am]
[ mood | productive ]

last night was.. productive i guess- talked on the phone for almost an hour with ellie & kelly. i think everythings fixed? i hope. uhh but when kelly gets home im gonna walk to her house & i think we'll take a walk up to willow ridge<3

oh my goodness- everyone needs to listen to the new simple plan cd: still not getting any. i think i said that yesterday but i dont care. its fucking amazingg. & im definetly turning off the tv because this hanson song is clashing with the simple plan song that im blasting :] perfect world is awesome. so is one and crazy and untitled and thank you and me against the world. & uhh basically them all are amazingly perfect.



we said as long as we would stick together
we'd be alright, we'd be okay
but i was stupid
& and you broke me down
ill never be the same again

thankyou --» simpleplan
9 !& readysetdie.

i need to hold on to you, i just cant let you go [21 Oct 2004|05:14pm]
[ mood | excited ]

whoaa *listening to the new simple plan cd. tell me these lyrics arent perfect. this whole cd is amazing! perfect timing- lol maria.




we’re the voice in your head
we’re the lies that you said
we’re the best thing you had
but you pushed us away

one --» simpleplan



so thank you for showing me
that best friends can not be trusted
& thank you for lying to me
your friendship and good times we had
you can have them back

thankyou --» simpleplan



in a perfect world, this could never happen
in a perfect world, you’d still be here
& it makes no sense, i could just pick up the pieces
but to you, this means nothing
nothing at all

perfectworld --» simpleplan




yeah well - this cd should deff. be named "CD for Morgan & Maria" because all the lyrics are like exactly how we feel. & that whole situation that her & i are dealing with yeah its just lovely. loveyou maria.


i need to hold on to you i just cant let you go
7 !& readysetdie.

dont go saying that you're okay when you're lonely [19 Oct 2004|08:11pm]
[ mood | rejected ]

do you ever wanna run away, do you lock yourself in your room? with the radio on, turned up so loud, that no one hears you screaming..

okay well ... today absolutely sucked. i hate how everything changes literally right in front of me. & maria sees it too. & everyone else must be insane not to see it, but everything is so different now. but i wont go into details. ill save that for my rejectedmemory update.

uhh so mrs. kumm pulled me out of lunch today to talk to me about it - what fun. so yeah, mrs. kumm emailed my mom, my mom emailed mrs. kumm, blah blah blah. quite lovely. it'll be a long year with her in my business all the time.

.. & now im officially a poser and the biggest bitch in the world. so my day ended just as fabulous as it began.

oh yes, variety show tryouts. they were fine. whatever.




this poisons my intoxication
broke the needle off in my skin
picked the scabs and picked the bleeding and
assumed that it was all in vain.
2 !& readysetdie.

you left me with these scars that will never be replaced [18 Oct 2004|09:54pm]
[ mood | whatever ]

havent updated in a while. been really busy i guess? but uhh right now, im watching the game & talking to *sighs* jordan :] he makes me laugh. you know what else makes me giggle? how people leave comments to make me feel like shit & then they dont even leave a name. like the last entry [that i deleted] mainly because it bothered me that it made the entry boxes bigger & i like them the way they are.. but uhh whatever- soo now im watching the game<3 so im out. loveyoou.


xo


this is side one,
flip me over. i know
im not
your
favorite record.
& readysetdie.

[12 Oct 2004|03:58pm]
MY MOM IS GONE FOR 2 WHOLE DAYS<3
IM SO HAPPY =) ITS GOING TO BE HEAVEN.

xo
1 !& readysetdie.

i know its a struggle [10 Oct 2004|11:50pm]
[ mood | different ]

its nights like these that really make me think twice about my life. kristin and sara just left. she didnt even tell me she was coming over. i guess she knocked on sara's computer room window and told her she was coming here and then jordan told me she was coming, too. but they got here at like 10:45 or something. i dont remember. we talked on the porch about everything thats going on. i cried.

we were outside the whole time. it was freezing. and we kept thinking olivia was listening. and if she ever found out what was going on, everything would get even more screwed up. but it was really nice knowing people care, you know? kristin and sara are two of the best people i have ever met in my entire life<3 i love you guys so much.

and thats what you get
for falling again,
you can never get him
out of
your head.
2 !& readysetdie.

dont call my name out your window, im leaving. [09 Oct 2004|10:52pm]
[ mood | happy ]

oh my jesus <3 i just got back from the best night everrr with kafy & kristy. had to lie to my mom to get over there. "oh yeah, we're just gonna watch mean girls and then ill come home". uhh but we did? lol we didnt get to rent thirteen which im dying to see again =) so yeah, tomorroe night maybe?

oh but last night was amazingg. uhh running across sweet home like 3974632598 times with jill & heather. and calling heather and she picking up and yelling "IM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING ROAD" mhm that was funny. and then heather slept over. and she cleaned my basement? shes one odd child but i love her =)

its the way that he
makes you cry.
its the way that he's in your mind.
its the way that he
makes you fall
in love.

i love you bryan <3
1o.o8 *
3 !& readysetdie.

you're the one i wanna chase; you're the one i wanna hold [06 Oct 2004|07:30pm]
[ mood | i dont know ]

i dont need a therapist,
i have an online journal.



well today sucked.
lets talk about it, shall we?


um last night, i slept in the basement again. and olivia locked me out of the bathroom and i come in and shes straightening her hair with a curling iron! which actually works, but when you have a straightener sitting right next to the curling iron, and you could use that instead? see, im telling you. i am definetely not the one that needs counseling in this family.

what else happened today? oh let me tell you: im failing math. and french. and art. hm yes, aand i had to stay afterschool until 9:20 PM which was quite lovely. especially because i got to hang out with miss pechulis and talk to her about stuff with andy <3 i love that girl.

so i came home after that (well i came to my dads) and well, that was lovely. its just one of these days when nothing goes right. yes, weve all had those. some more than others? mhm. and i honestly love how no one cares if i need to talk to them about something extremely important because thats just wonderful how people ignore me like that. really, its just glorious.

but im so done talking about this,
because truly, i think im crying.

so a bunch of people read my poems today. i might as well rip my heart out, because no one cared. no one got it. no one understood. i love kelly weber. she understands it. and she cares. and she gets it. i think. alright im gonna go now. because this was way too long. and jordan hasnt gotten on yet. and i really need to talk to him.



i love how you pretend
that you know me. when you obviously
have no clue whats going on.
and you never will.
3 !& readysetdie.

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]